Saturday, October 23, 2010

Journal 8

My conflicts end in many different ways. There are conflicts that end peacefully and are never a problem again, then there are conflicts that I just have to walk away from because they aren't worth investing any more time, energy, and emotion into them anymore. I have also ended conflicts by agreeing to disagree or by ending relationships because I/we cannot reconcile the differences between the two parties. I think that each ending can be fitting for different conflicts. I think what usually ends my conflicts are communication to reach a mutual understanding or a mutual understanding that is brought about by not communicating. Either way, it is eventually understood by the other party how the conflict will end or has ended, and what the future holds for our relationship.

I think that this tends to be the way that conflicts go throughout the world. I don't necessarily think there is a better way to end a conflict than another as long as the conflict ends peacefully, and actually resolves the conflict completely.

Journal 7

I think that for the most part, I try to deal with conflicts in a mature and fair way, but the conflicts that do escalate in my life often escalate are often due to miscommunication. I often try to ignore or rationalize the actions of others to avoid getting in a conflict with that person. Then, whenever I can't take it anymore, I usually approach the person to deal with the conflict, but don't do it in the best way possible. Yelling at someone for doing something they never knew was a problem is not a very effective or efficient way of dealing with a conflict. So I've been working on trying to NOT be passive when there is a problem, and then approaching the person in a positive way to deal with the conflict instead of escalatory tactics.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

My own conflicts escalate because of my unwillingness to talk to the other party. In the beginning of the conflict, I usually put my feelings on the table as to why I angry, if that does not solve the conflict, I am uaually unwilling to talk about it furthur. Someties out of stuborness, other times because I am intimidated. Usually, if causes so much stress in my life, it takes over. But if I am in control of the situation, it can sometimes be fun.

Journal 8 - How does conflict end?

I think that they way a lot of conflicts end in the world around me is unpeaceful. Both groups may say that they are content with the compromise but the tension does not diminish. That takes time. On a global scale, conflicts are so volatile that if they come close to being resolved, one slight move can reignite the conflict and the cycle continues. It just seems that often times, we say we are happy with the situation and walk away but we would still be willing to engage in the conflict all over again. People have become desensitized to conflict and are not as opposed to it as may have been the case in the past.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Journal 7 - Escalation

Most of the conflicts that take place in my life revolve around communication and the more strained communication becomes, the more the conflict escalates. I contribute to the escalation of the conflict because when I get frustrated with people I have very poor communication skills which just makes the situation worse. I don't like being in conflict though when I am in conflict, I don't always work very very hard to remedy the situation.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Journal 6

As far as patterns of conflict in my life, I have been noticing recently that I keep buying chocolate to put in the candy bowl in my apartment for guests, and my roommate keeps eating it all by herself within a few days and she never replaces it. Whenever we run out of chocolate, she complains to me about it. So then every time I go to the store I feel obligated to buy more chocolate... Which is SO expensive! I keep buying the chocolate because I keep thinking that one day, when I open the candy jar, there might actually be something chocolatey and delicious waiting there for me. So far there has only been disappointment.
Lately, I've been hiding my chocolatey sins in my room, where my roommate won't see them, and won't find them. I realize this is a pretty passive-aggressive way to deal with this problem, but I'm definitely trying to avoid a larger conflict, which would be that my roommate is generally what I'll call "thrifty," and won't pay me back for things that I buy for the apartment, but will demand a refund from me on the things she buys for the apartment.
I think the next time she complains about not having any chocolate, I'll just suggest that she buys some herself
I guess, overall, this little conflict probably points out a long pattern of my dealing with conflict. I like to think that I start out being kind, forgiving, and understanding, but maybe to a point, that's just being passive? Then, like in this particular conflict, I try to drop hints to the person I'm in conflict with that I have a problem with what is happening because I don't overtly want to hurt their feelings (passive-aggressiveness). Then I end up in full out aggression where I tell that person what is wrong... Probably not in the best way possible. I tend to wait to deal with a conflict head-on until it's the last straw and I explode. I'll have to work on that.
I really wouldn't be able to fit that into a conflict model. Perhaps the spiraling model, where one action just leads to another and it comes back to the same place in the end.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Conflict Patterns

When dealing with conflicts, I am always really passive aggressive. When I realize someone has wronged me, I don't really like to approach them directly, so I try to show them that I am angry at them. When that doesn't work, I am then forced to talk to them. This follows Kreisberg's model. After I become aware of the conflict, I move onto conflict conduct by being passive aggressive. Then I let it escalate when I have to talk to the person face to face.