Journal 12

It's so hard to objectively think of the way I acted in this conflict. However, from thinking over it, I can see a lot of faults that I need to work on. The particular conflict I am thinking of is between me and two good friends at Juniata. I think that the root of the problem is that my one friend is just a little different than me and my other friend (we'll call him Joe), and we don't quite understand why he acts the way he does sometimes. I secretly realize this and want to cut him some slack because he just operates a little differently than us, and doesn't realize that it sometimes hurts our feelings. My other friend (we'll call her Sara) is sensitive, and the carelessness and seeming coldness of Joe toward her really gets to her. So Sara is creating all kinds of intention inventions and truth assumptions about Joe's actions, and always seems to find the worst possible way to explain his actions. However, Sara hasn't really been receptive to my excuses for Joe, and continues to think that Joe has something against her. Although, I do tend to agree that Joe is a bit selfish and doesn't think about how his actions or reactions affect others. So I find myself caught up in talking to Sara about Joe and agreeing that he is kinda rude and mean and doesn't mean well.
Taking a step back and looking at this situation, I find that there is a lack of communication and an abundance of miscommunication. Each person involved in this conflict obviously has very different expectations of what a good friend is, and in order to resolve it, those expectations have to be communicated and understood by each person. I think there is also a large lack in trust involved.
I'm not proud of my lack of responsibility and care in this conflict. I am doing my classic avoiding strategy by thinking that the conflict is just between Joe and Sara, and that if they want to make it better, they have to take care of it themselves. But I am both of their friends and I am kind of in the middle of the conflict, since I get along better with both Sara and Joe than Sara gets along with Joe. I do feel some obligation to try to make things a little less hostile, but Sara has her mind made, and Joe will not open up to me about it. I have discovered that my style of avoidance hasn't always worked out for the best, and that at some point, I really need to gain the courage to be a part of conflict and use it to achieve good things.
Sometimes I think that the best option for Joe and Sara is for them to reduce contact, and not try to be good friends. Sometimes that's just the way things work- not everyone can be friends. However, that would put me in an awkward situation where I basically would have to pick a friend and go with that one, and loose friendship with the other person.
I think things will get better soon, because we are all going abroad next semester, so that will give Joe and Sara some time away from each other. When we all come back next fall, I think we will all get along a little bit better. I can help but think that this is just a resolution that will lead to other conflicts in the future.